Here I am again...

As much as I love sharing my life through my blog, sometimes that openness can be a two sided coin; sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet. But one of the main reasons I have a blog is to document my life so I can remember it in all its ups and downs and to share those moments with my (few, but faithful) followers.

I found out just over a week and a half ago that I will only be on staff with 1st Pres through the month of August. When I was offered the full time position as the Middle School Girls youth leader last August, I signed a 1 year contract that would be evaluated over the course of the year. Robert (youth pastor/my boss) has assured me that it is strictly financial and due to the size of our youth group, but they won't be renewing my contract. So as I sit in my office this afternoon, it's hitting a little bit deeper that I'll only be spending a majority of my time up on the 9th floor of the church for only a few more weeks.

I'm a big mess of emotions and rightfully so. These girls and this youth group have been my life these last 16 months and I'm not really sure what my life here is supposed to look like without them. I don't have any intentions of leaving Chattanooga, or First Pres for that matter, but God could have other plans. All I know is that my heart for Chattanooga, youth, and ministry has grown exponentially and I can only pray that I will find another job to fit those passions. That might mean a 9-5 kind of job while volunteering on Sundays and Wednesdays at the church, but if that's God's plan, then so be it.

Unemployment this time around seems so different from just over a year and a half ago when I lost my job at the Youth Network. For starters, I LOVE my job at the church and that was not so much the case at the YN. Also, I was fired "let go" from being Tony's admin assistant and now it's more of a non-renewal. My emotions are just that much more stirred because I still have a month and a half of work left to do here and it's a daily battle to not let myself pull away because I know my time is limited. I love these girls and this ministry, but to be completely honest I feel my heart rip a little bit more when I think that this won't be my day-to-day life come September. I am fighting to not put up walls or numb myself from getting more attached.

I have no doubt whatsoever that God has a plan so much bigger than myself in this and I might be in the valley for a time, but my prayer is that I continue to represent Him during my time in limbo and seek Him overall else...even if that means moving or doing a job that isn't my ideal. With that said, I need a JOB! And if you have some great revelation of what you think I should do, you just go on ahead and let me know because I'm at a loss. But most importantly, be praying for me--that I lean into Christ and not myself, for my honesty and vulnerability with the girls, for my want to be bitter towards people that haven't experienced unemployment, and a patience to see whatever the heck God has in store.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5