One month later

It has officially been a month since Robert "broke the news" to me about my contract being up. So here I am, one month down, one month to go--where does that leave me?

I was out of town, preparing to be out of town, or recuperating from being out of town pretty much the whole month of July. I kept telling myself that I would buckle down and really look for jobs and start packing up my office and apartment once August came around...so here we are. I brought home a couple dozen hangers worth of winter clothes to my parents' house this weekend and brought back some boxes to pack up picture frames, books, and other decorations around the apartment. At least I'm getting somewhere with that. And it helps my mentality that I can do that in stages, but I know I'll have to be moved out before I know it!

It breaks my heart to think about packing up my office though. I felt like that place was more home to me than my apartment has been. I have notes, pictures, scripture, and momentos all around my office and I know I'm going to need an afternoon to myself and a box of Kleenexes when I pack up that little square room. Robert and I agreed that my official duties to the youth ministry would be over the 12th of August since the 14th is Promotion Sunday and the kickoff of a new school year. I'll still get a paycheck until the end of August and help out around the office, but won't be required to go to leader's meetings, Sunday school, or Wednesday night youth group. I'm grateful that we would come to that decision because it really does make it emotionally easier for me to not have to be one foot in and one foot out and not nearly as stressful to make it to events because August is jam packed with showers, weddings, and other things to do here and there.

I've already started to notice myself pulling away a little bit and some days are harder than others to talk myself into going to the office or hanging out with kids. I want to continue to love on these girls and invest in them for the Kingdom's sake, not just for the sake of the ministry, but it's hard knowing that there is a time limit left on our time together. I want to stay apart of the church if I stay in Chattanooga and have a job that allows for that in my schedule, but I'm going to take some time away regardless of where I end up just for clarity in my mind and theirs if I transition from "staff" to "volunteer".

Speaking of where I end up...that's what's keeping me up so late tonight. I was so dead set on Chattanooga for the longest time, but after going home this weekend and seeing so many great friends from around the Atlanta area I've at least broaden my job hunt for Chattanooga and Marietta. Granted, if I were to be offered the same job in Marietta or Chattanooga and got to pick, the Scenic City would win hands down. But with the state of the economy and knowing the kind of person I am, I can see the benefits of either city and am waiting to see where God takes me. But I think the biggest problem of all, (sorry to be such a Debbie Downer for this post, but this is just life for me right now!) is that I have NO STINKING CLUE what I want to do. Like none. Zip. Zilch. Nada. So if you have some epiphany as to what you think I should be doing at this point in my life, I would greatly appreciate the direction. I really would like to stay in some kind of "people" service because God did NOT create me to be business minded. I am a people person, super organized, and like a scheduled, but constant change of pace. I know my strengths and I thought this job spoke well to them, but God's got something planned for me and I'm just waiting and trusting to see what it is.

So, that's where I am. Much more at peace. Scattered home and office life. Trying to focus on my job while I still have it. I'm still at as much of a loss of what I'll be doing come September as I was a month ago. And still I'm praying lots and lots. And lots.

PS-I have totally been blown away by the support, encouragement, and love of my friends and family through this! As much of a low point this is for me right now, I have felt nothing but comfort and stability from those around me! You all are such a blessing in my life and I don't know where I would be without yall :)